The Simple Things

Hi this is the first (and only so far) thing I have had published. It is in an anthology Angel's Breath and it has been published by United Press.

The Simple Things

Why are we forced to begin our lives, injected with ambition?
When all we want is a person to lean on?

Why are we forced to plan and plot, our route of life?
When all we want is freedom from the strife?

Why do we assume and hope for, our plan to be a success,
When all we want to do is clean up the world’s mess?

Why do we fight to maintain, the “dignity” we find,
When all we want is to keep piece-of-mind?

Why do we not even notice, our own conquest?
When all we want is praise and a feeling of zest?

Why do we become accustomed, to the feeling of need?
When all we want is to shake off our feelings of greed?

Why do we feel the need, to enter our lives into a feud?
When all we want them to do is conclude?

And why do we sacrifice our lives, to what is left when life ends,
When all we want is heroes and friends?

touching.

I can't say I can really relate to the message of the piece, but I can see why it got published.

Congrats!

I liked it. However I do have some things about it I do not like. The first verse is trying to force a possible rhyme that is never going to happen, and each verse after that, some of the rhymes come easy, and some fall short.

The message in the piece is great, its quite easy to capture the nations despair in words. Its' relate-able and reads well even with the force-ness of it. I enjoyed the repetitiveness of structure, I do that often too! And I love the title!


Great job, glad you're here and I can't wait to read more from you.

LineiLou,

After reading your latest poem and this one, I'm capturing a trend. What draws you towards more political topics? Just curious.

I like how this poem points out the opposing viewpoints we have to balance. It's difficult, especially when those viewpoints are not our own.

The rhyming does feel a little forced, but in a way I think it works for the poem. I think if it was smooth, it would have a different feel. The questions don't have a neat little answer wrapped in a bow, so why should the reading be any easier?

Hooray! Someone got it at last, it has been over a year since I wrote this and you are the first person to see I made it sound awkward/rambling on purpose. A lot like my thoughts and sense of humour, such questions like these, if you give a long answer you are seen as surmonising and if you don't you are seen as stupid. I would like to be seen in neither catgory so have you noticed I have also not answered them. How would you go about it without stigma? I have studied a sociology degree and that got me fired up politically. I am very into human rights and equality. Minorities should not exist and right now I am beginning to work on a novel about an aspect of this. I'll send you a link to my blog if you're interested.

LineiLou wrote:

...Minorities should not exist ...

So we should all be the same? The same race. The same religion. The same in political views. The same in sexual orientation. The same in every possible way.

Hmmm, I'm not sure if that's the way you meant it, but if the day does ever come around where there are no more minority groups I hope I'm not around to see it.

I can see why you tried to walk that line with the political slant of this poem. The very nature of politics makes it a challenge to state what simply "is" because the only tangible aspect of politics are the results. And I guess, who'd be impressed by that?

Random thought: Is it weird to think politics are as vague as say "love"?

I believe, LineiLou, you have your work cut out for you. I agree with HydraMStar in the apsect that a world without "minorities" wouldn't really be my cup of tea. Sometimes, we have to point out our differences to realize that we are the same, not in thought or experience, but in some great understanding that without the other to challenge one's sense of being, there would be no sense of being to embrace.

HYdraMStar wrote:

LineiLou wrote:

...Minorities should not exist ...

So we should all be the same? The same race. The same religion. The same in political views. The same in sexual orientation. The same in every possible way.

Hmmm, I'm not sure if that's the way you meant it, but if the day does ever come around where there are no more minority groups I hope I'm not around to see it.

I meant minorities should not be singled out in the ways they are and treated like crap. In some instances other people don't even know how much of a struggle life is for people. The opinion that everyone should be the same race, have the sexuality etc... is too idealogical. I am saying people shouldn't nit pick at the "faults" (and I use that term very loosely) of others when no is perfect and perfect has no true definition anyway