Winter's Pain

Winter’s Pain

The cold winter's air awakens my senses;
shocking my very being into reality.
Eyes water with tears of survival
the mask upon my face too numb to notice.
And yet, for the first moment in a string of many
I realize that I am truly alive.
Steam escaping from my burning lungs
grazes across my made-up lips,
proof that atleast I am breathing; attempting another day.
Hands begin to burn with winter's fire;
naked and unprotected during my journey.
Their meager attempt to wipe my tears goes unrealized;
tasting salt upon my perfectly painted lips.
Yet again, the pain reminds me that I am among the living.
One bundled foot placed beyond the other,
I continue to follow the same path as yesterday;
footprints in winter's innocent snow
that are forever embedded in my memory.
The fear of breaking this routine is overwhelming;
frightening beyond my simple comprehension.
As if frozen in time, I will continue this status quo;
forever dreaming of warmer days in absence of this pain.
How then, will I be reminded that I am truly alive?


Traci A. Johnston
Revised December 2008
all rights reserved

i've got to say that this is much better than your other post. much. it still has its awkward moments, such as this line:
One bundled foot placed beyond the other,
"beyond" seems like such a strange choice of words. it feels out of place. little things like that mean a lot. poetry...GOOD poetry...is all about making the right choices. just think about every single word you're using and WHY you're using it and you'll be fine.
also, make sure (if you want to improve) that you READ as much as you can. and if you're really interested in creating modern free verse, then bukowski is the gold standard.
best...
yamrus
that is, unless you want to go to amazon and buy up thousands of copies of MY books!

Again, thank you...

Who created their rules, John..? Writing for me is a way to express who I am, what I'm feeling, and life in general. The ONE place where "rules" do not matter. I appreciate your suggestions, but I pretend to be no one other than me.

I'm not looking to create anything but my own expression...

Congrats on being published... you've succombed to the rules...

"Congrats on being published... you've succombed to the rules..."

not really, it's all a matter of wanting to get my stuff to the widest audienbce possible. it also pays some bills.
jy

Fist off I want everyone posting here to keep this in mind.

Quote :

This is the forum for those who are confident and want to share their words with us. Poetry of all different styles and form is appreciated. This is not a critique forum. Versification is for REACTIONS and OPINIONS ONLY. (Use Poetic Justice for critiquing.)

I know most of the folks who post here don't mind a little critique and really there is a blurred line between critique and "opinion" anyway. So, I don't normally step in when someone gives a little critique, but in this case it's clearly not wanted.

Now, I'm also going to add, the vast majority of the people who use and post on these sorts of forums want to be published and/or have been published, but it's unwise to assume that's everyone's goal. Nor is it wise to throw out insults about publishing based on the notion that only those who are willing to conform or sellout and don't care about self-expression get published. Yes, certainly, you got to write in such a way that publisher and readers want in order to "make it", but that's no less of a higher goal then writing to please just yourself and a handful of close friends and family.

So, let's keep it friendly people and try not to assume too much about each other or each others goals.