HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: A Poem About a Demon November 4th 2008, 1:58 am | |
| A Poem About a Demon by Hydra M. Star
This is a poem about a demon Can you not see that that is true? This is a poem about a demon He is a lot like me and you Well, a bit more like me then you This is a poem about a demon A demon who stole away my heart I do not know with it what he plans to do This is a poem about a demon I hope that he is true | |
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Urs
Number of posts : 569 Location : Corner of Insane Ave & Stupid St. in the State of Denial Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-09-23
| Subject: Re: A Poem About a Demon November 4th 2008, 11:03 pm | |
| This is really sweet... in a creepy kinda way... | |
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John Yamrus
Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04
| Subject: Re: A Poem About a Demon November 5th 2008, 4:02 pm | |
| nowhere near as good as your poem about "cannot write long poems anymore". where that one felt fresh and new, this one feels awkward and forced. | |
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HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: Re: A Poem About a Demon November 5th 2008, 7:26 pm | |
| See I personally like this one better then the other, but everyone's different.
The funny thing is you say this one sounds more forced, but I wrote it in a third of the time I spent on the other one. It literally just sort of popped into my head as it reads... go figure. | |
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John Yamrus
Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04
| Subject: Re: A Poem About a Demon November 5th 2008, 8:09 pm | |
| - HYdraMStar wrote:
- See I personally like this one better then the other, but everyone's different.
The funny thing is you say this one sounds more forced, but I wrote it in a third of the time I spent on the other one. It literally just sort of popped into my head as it reads... go figure. that's really interesting that you should say that, especially since (to me, at least) the other one feels more natural. this one, with really awkward lines like "I do not know with it what he plans to do" ...they give the poem the feeling as if you're trying to make your lines to something they can't or fit somewhere they can't. the other poem feels like it slipped comfortably onto the page...this one, clipped and cut as it is, feels like you took an idea here and a thought there and pulled it all together. i find it awesomely interesting (a) how wrong i can be about the preparation of the poem and (b) how wrong you can be on the intent. fascinating. thanks. john | |
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