A Grab On Words

Subject: A Grab On Words September 27th 2008, 9:16 pm

A Grab on Words

I don't know how to say this
I have a hard time opening my mouth
My heart wants to speak
But only breathless ice comes
Out of my mouth

I have no more words
They have grasped me and left me
They hate me now, these words
Of mine they just walked off
Leaving me empty and cold

I cannot grab on words
I am just here alone
My words are no longer
Here and my heart is trying
To grab them back

My heart like a bug collector
trying to find that rare beetle
I cannot help my heart grab these words
And they slip by me once again

I seem like a solemn silent
puppet now that I don't
have my words

Subject: Re: A Grab On Words September 30th 2008, 6:39 am

Not bad, I liked it. Good and unique concept to write a poem about.

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

i have to respectfully disagree with Shadow Dragon...writing a poem (or anything) about not having anything to write about is just about the oldest trick in the book. everyone's done it (more than once, most likely). it's a substitute for inspiration. that being said, it's a fairly well-written substitute, especially considering your age. one thing you should watch is your repeated words...you say "grab" 4 times and "words" 5 times. expand your vocabulary...find other ways of saying the same thing. my advice to you...my advice to anyone wanting to write competent poetry...is to read as much as you can...and i don't mean internet poetry...i mean actual published work. go into your local bookstore and buy some books. check out a guy named charles bukowski...he'll blow you away. read allen ginsberg and lawrence ferlinghetti. attack those book shelves. your poetry will be all the better because of it.
john

Subject: Re: A Grab On Words September 30th 2008, 6:00 pm

John Yamrus wrote:: i have to respectfully disagree with Shadow Dragon...writing a poem (or anything) about not having anything to write about is just about the oldest trick in the book. everyone's done it (more than once, most likely). it's a substitute for inspiration. that being said, it's a fairly well-written substitute, especially considering your age. one thing you should watch is your repeated words...you say "grab" 4 times and "words" 5 times. expand your vocabulary...find other ways of saying the same thing. my advice to you...my advice to anyone wanting to write competent poetry...is to read as much as you can...and i don't mean internet poetry...i mean actual published work. go into your local bookstore and buy some books. check out a guy named charles bukowski...he'll blow you away. read allen ginsberg and lawrence ferlinghetti. attack those book shelves. your poetry will be all the better because of it.
john

I don't think you understood my concept.
My idea was to write when I can't say anything to someone.
You know those moments when you want to tell someone something, but can't because either you can't remember your words or the words are to rude.
I wrote grab four or five times because I like the idea of hands trying to grab words. I was trying to create this picture.

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

well, at the very least it sounds like you had a plan...that's certainly more than most people have. that's great that you went into the piece with a goal and had thought about how you were going to reach that goal. that's great. i don't think you totally reached that point as your reader (me) missed the point. now, that may merely be a sign of my enduring ignorance and approaching senility, so i may be wrong in my assessment.
once again, the mere fact that you had thought about what you wanted to write and how you wanted to comminicate those thoughts, puts you well ahead of the crowd.
best...
yamrus