HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: My Number One August 6th 2008, 3:24 pm | |
| Notice: contains some erotic elements
You are my number one You've always known you were Even when you aren't my only one You are the only one that matters
For your love I'd do all the clichés I'd kill, I'd die, I'd slay the dragon I'd tongue you, I'd fuck you, I'd cum in your face
Your body is my altar It is your flesh that I worship Your voice is my religion No other goddess or god will ever come before you
Forever through this life shall I walk with you Neither space nor time can part us truly Death will only be a brief pause | |
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AliceInWonderland
Number of posts : 44 Location : Germany Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: My Number One August 7th 2008, 9:59 am | |
| I enjoyed reading this poem very much. Especially the play with the word "one" in the beginning. But somehow the third part is a bit too dark for my taste. The rest is very romantic, though you did well by not making it sound too soft and unrealistic. Well done | |
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HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: Re: My Number One August 7th 2008, 12:19 pm | |
| - AliceInWonderland wrote:
- But somehow the third part is a bit too dark for my taste.
Then my work here is done. | |
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Sanareth
Number of posts : 32 Age : 31 Location : Bristol, UK Registration date : 2008-07-29
| Subject: Re: My Number One August 7th 2008, 12:59 pm | |
| I loved it. Love poems should be uncensored and without restraints, just like that. | |
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Kellycakes
Number of posts : 1136 Age : 46 Location : State of Thankfulness! Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: Re: My Number One August 10th 2008, 4:02 pm | |
| What you have that a lot of poets do not is shock value. You say what you say without any doubt that it will go over well. If it doesn't go over well that is even more poetic than you initially thought. Very well written. | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: My Number One August 11th 2008, 11:40 am | |
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| Subject: Re: My Number One | |
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