Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: I love you July 22nd 2008, 12:26 pm | |
| The heart laughs I take your hand Come with me
I want to be always with you To conquer the world Your love is good for me
You know me I am proud of you I love you | |
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Kellycakes
Number of posts : 1136 Age : 47 Location : State of Thankfulness! Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: Re: I love you July 22nd 2008, 9:01 pm | |
| Simple and sweet! Nice job. | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 23rd 2008, 12:43 am | |
| All right, I believe that you were attempting to slip this one by us. It is a nice set of stanzas, but it lacks consistent meter. I first thought that it was three haikus, but that second stanza really threw that idea out the window.
It did hold to a standard topic. I will grant that.
It really did not come across as a concise use of words. I felt that I could have said the same in prose more succinctly.
It was sweet, and I am certain that the guy you meant them for was very glad to hear such words. As for me, 1 out of 3 means that you could do better. | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: I love you July 23rd 2008, 4:33 am | |
| Mh i try to do it better I find this poem not so good too. I German the words have more feeling. So i make it better. I thank you for the long comment i hope i understand you what you want to say to me. Love Jenny | |
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