Sadly, his favorite movie is Taxi Driver

Number of posts : 20 Registration date : 2008-08-26

pt. 1
before the deluge

Hash smoke danced on my tongue
and the tongues of my friends,
dancing forwards
to Springs end,

I walked, listening to songs,
Jackson Browne’s Late for the Sky,
with that feeling of belonging
and the thought of summertime.

pt. 2
the load-out

I lost those friends,
some time along the summer,
Nature brought me to her side
and asked me to help her,

I broke free from Manchester.
Now Manchester remembers.

So September smiles
come forced and polite;
the sky above me is black
but the hours of the night
are dwindling,
with the spread of sunlight.

I don't understand the title at all.

Number of posts : 20 Registration date : 2008-08-26

You either haven't seen Taxi Driver, haven't paid enough attention to it, or don't know much Jackson Browne.

dancinginrainbows wrote:: You either haven't seen Taxi Driver, haven't paid enough attention to it, or don't know much Jackson Browne.

Don't know any Jackson Browne, besides the name.

Haven't seen the movie in years and years, and don't believe I watched it all the way through even then.

I'm not a pop culture sort of person, sorry.

Number of posts : 20 Registration date : 2008-08-26

Jackson Browne is far, far more than pop culture.

I'd say the movie is too.

Anyways, Late for the Sky is the song that the people are dancing to on the TV when the guy from Taxi Driver decides to go out and kill.

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

sadly, the title is the only interesting thing about this poem. the rest is pure and absolute crap.
this one's certainly not a keeper.

Number of posts : 8 Registration date : 2008-09-20

I'm with Hydra, I'm afraid. I don't know the movie or Jackson Browne well enough to feel anything from this one.

John, you have every right to critique, but a little less vulgarity and a little more tack can go a long way. We DO not want to hurt peoples feeling but instead allow them to learn from mistakes and accept praise for things they've done well.

About the piece: I have no clue, I'm unfamiliar with the movie, artist and song.

Number of posts : 20 Registration date : 2008-08-26

John Yamrus wrote:: sadly, the title is the only interesting thing about this poem. the rest is pure and absolute crap.
this one's certainly not a keeper.

Thank you for being an absolute twat. You've really helped.

Dancinginrainbows and Kellycakes, I can understand your reaction to John's reactions, and while it is not as constructive as maybe I even myself would have liked, if that is his honest reaction then he has every right to it and every right to post it.

That is what we want here, right? People's honest reaction to our work. Well, sometimes that reaction isn't going to be favorable.

With that thought in mind, John shouldn't get anymore flack for what he posted then someone who post something no more constructive then blanket praise like, "nice poem."

Oh, and by the way, I didn't think the poem was horrible. I just didn't understand the title... which I still don't and don't think I will anytime soon as I have no plans to see the movie. pirat

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

you're right, i could have used a LOT more tact. i could have given my opinion on the merits (or lack thereof) without being so totally dismissive. that being said, the poems still sucked. it is what it is. the last stanza was decent, but it was too little, too late.
john

Here is the thing. We do want honest opinions of our audience, however; using words like 'sucked' or 'crap' isn't really useful. They way he stated his opinion seemed more like a finger pointing in her face saying 'you suck, never write anything again'.

Scribbles is here to encourage writers, not demean them. If that was your honest opinion and you don't have any better way to state it, then don't state it at all because I don't want members crying over hurt feelings when they are suppose to be writing and being productive.

As writers we have to have tough skin but stabbing someone through the heart with a knife is still going to kill them. I haven't censored anyones comments or word choices but if you feel belittling other writers is acceptable, let me show you the door.

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

it was certainly not my intent to attack the author. if that's the way it was taken, i'm very very sorry. from here on, for as long as i'm on this forum, i'll refrain from posting my opinions on anyone's poetry unless specifically asked for it.
once again, i'm sorry if my comments were misunderstood.
jy

John, nobody told you to stop posting your comments, what we want is to pick your words more carefully.

Number of posts : 129 Registration date : 2008-09-04

you're totally correct.

All though I haven't seen the movie or anything. And I didn't get the title. I get a story and I get a vision of what you are trying to accomplish.
And I like it, very much.
Keep up the good work.

Number of posts : 20 Registration date : 2008-08-26

Guy on last page: I understand why you wrote that comment and think that's fine, but you could think about your word choice a little bit more. I don't expect you to know that I'm breaking down every day, that people i know are all thinking of depression diagnosis's, and that this poem is an absolutely pathetic attempt to try and get some of that crap out of me, but thinking about what you post before you post i might help you and everyone else.

Bugger it.

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