Childhood dreams

Since childhood, we've been undividable
We just had ourselves and one pair of wings
And we flew so high (just to fall so deep)
We jumped in every basket, box
Lying on the street
We thought nothing would ever change
We dreamed of still being here
After all the years that'll pass
By the time, I am still here
What's it been for you?

I wonder how it could be
The last time I saw your face
Five years ago not knowing
You'd go a different place
And if we both had hold on to our dreams
Would we have had a chance?

By the years, we've both grown up
We've met destiny and fate
But the things money cannot buy
Weren't enough for you anymore
So I had to stand the rain alone
I never thought I could
I faced the weathers, good and bad
The last one far more often
Since you have been going (on)
I have been fixed-
But softened

I wonder how you'd look at me
I wonder if we'd still dance
If we had the possibility
To change what we can't change
I wonder if we still had all theses dreams
And made them into firm plans

As years go by, I sometimes do
See you down the street
Then I bite my nails, my darlin
.... have you felt melancony
.... have you felt a loose
.... have you ever wished that time
hadn't past that fast?
Do you see me as a damper
Or as an unfortunatly missed chance
Or don't you even feel reminded
In me as your first love, your first dance?
Whatever, I don't think we'll get
Any second chance

I think a better title for this piece would be 'Childhood Nostalgia' or better yet just 'Nostalgia' . It reads more like a journal entry than a poem because it seems forced in areas.

There is one line that I really like:

Quote :

I have been fixed-
But softened

The entire next verse after this line is forced, the rhyming and non rhyming sequences don't match, but this is just my opinion. All round its still a good piece, looks like you spent a lot of time on it. I hope you will do a few rewrites and share them with us. If it reads better to your readers you'll go a long way with poetry writing.

Actually, I listened to a song which I thought about very intensively. To product of this was the poem.
You're right, I should rewrite a few parts, because my aim was to list up my thoughts spontaneously with some poetic elements.
I'll think about your advice and work on it again.