Dilemma of Dreams - 7A

An adult speculative Christian post-Armageddon fiction
Dilemma of Dreams
Chapter Seven: Part One
I Wonder about My Life

I stayed up that night attempting to compare things now to how they had been. I remembered the collapse of my reality and screaming for someone to help me. A large spectral form of Tersepsus came to me and offered a place of respite. I did not immediately accept, but asked about conditions. He mentioned none, although pointed out that just as in my original life all males of his religion had duties. I stated my place as being above the general population, so demanded a position of solace where I would not be forced to work. Tersepsus almost left, although he did tell me of the grace of nine-year-old females. After some discussion, I accepted a position at the convent now in the form of a female child of the age of six. By the time that I turned nine, I had learned about my new body and new life. I found the age of nine to be a wonderful period, and refused to turn ten. Being a girl was a lot different than being a boy, but I did not find it to be a bad experience.

Peralte and Assadra, mostly Assadra, made a racket, but it was joyful with both speaking of pleasure. While I knew that he had a number of ladies at his call, he did not treat the experience as one of relaxation. Even though Assadra spoke of her activities, I knew that Peralte was doing his part to make the experience enjoyable.

While I had no actual experience with what the elders were doing, I had considered it. What I heard from the couple did not relate to my thoughts. My dreams were of simply lying down and having my partner show me the delights of the sexual experience. What I heard were the pair doing things for each other and staying active to keep the sensations at their peak for as long as possible. I found myself wondering if I would enjoy having sex.

“Well done, Peralte,” Assadra said with her voice moving as if going to the lake. “Why don’t you have a regular real lady?”

“They get bored. Those that like coming out with me, don’t like sitting around the house. Those that would live quietly at my house, don’t like it when I take off on these excursions.”

“Yes, that would probably be my story as well. Still, keep treating me like that, and I will make it a point to check if you are in the neighborhood.”

Peralte’s voice now sounded as if he were moving to the lake as he said, “Before you even bother to ask, no, your cat lover does not bother me. I know that he is no different than my ladies.”

“Would you believe that I did this on a lark after being told that I could, and I found that I liked it? Never could get a set of boobs to work, but decided that I would rather them large than not even noticeable.”

They spoke of each other’s bodies. While I could place certain references, I gained the impression that they were no more in their original bodies than I was. Peralte spoke of the physical problems that he suffered in life, and Assadra spoke of her pain after what must have been a terrible pregnancy. Neither spoke of switching genders.

I had a good powerful body. While I worked at tending the ground for the plants, taking care of the animals, and helping those in the town with their labors, many of my fellow monks spoke of bodily pains. I took on the extra duties. My body did not fail me, and I considered it a blessing.

Those times passed all at once. The sickness came over me, and my body collapsed. With fever along with diarrhea and vomiting, my life ended.

I entered the afterlife committed to no longer doing work. Life in Heaven was nice, wonderful, but without the textures that I remembered. I did not want sex, but I did want others to look to me with respect. I had helped so many in my life that I wanted some recognition. I had read novels of the Wild West, so set up my own little reality with my own vision of how life on the frontier should be and me as sheriff. It failed, and I fled to being a girl, although I again sought a future of not having to work.

I felt again that I was in Purgatory. I wondered why I had not been returned to Heaven. I lied on the blankets wondering why I was here as a girl. Wondering just how long I would have to suffer, I finally went to sleep.

Peralte was sitting by the fire writing something in a notebook when I awoke. He looked at me and smiled. I looked to the lake wondering how warm the water would be, then thought of him seeing me naked. He sat down his notebook when I asked him a question.

“Don’t you ever sleep?”

“No. I refuse to waste one minute of this existence in simple unconsciousness.”

I considered how much different this man was from me, then realized the silence, so I let him in on my thoughts. “In my first life, I never felt that I had enough sleep. I ended each day repeating the promise that this would be a life of rest.”

“I don’t remember waking you up. Go back to sleep if you want.”

No, if this was Purgatory, I wanted it known that I was accepting my place. “Will you help me bathe in the lake?”

“Sure.” He moved to pick up some clothes that had been set out, then smiled at me as he said, “Happy Birthday.”

I took off the linen gown, then moved naked to the water as I asked, “Is it really my birthday?”

“You should be able to answer that better than me. I am just going off of the dates on certain documents.”

Tersepsus was an arrogant and dominating person. I however considered those attributes to work in my favor. We both wanted our agreement to be sealed by more than a handshake, so documents were formed. I did as much as Tersepsus to assure that everything was proper.

“Well, then it must be correct.”

I turned to see Peralte remove a robe and lay it on the ground next to my clothes. He was naked. I noticed no real sensation of being with a naked man as he helped me manage things in the water. Wondering if it was my past, me being in a sexually immature body, or some curse placed upon me, I decided to ask Peralte about his own thoughts.

“You can do with me as you please.”

“I did abuse my office at times, but I never mistreated a woman or child.” Softly, he added, “Never a child, and there is no mistreatment when the sex is consensual. You however, dear lady, fall into the child category.”

I again moved the rag down between my legs as I asked, “Maybe next year?”

“Maybe in two, probably three.”

Yes, I knew that, but felt a need to keep the conversation alive. “Will we reach your house by then?”

“If not, think of the memories that we would have formed.”

That answer did not please me. I looked at Peralte thinking that he was patronizing me. The words then hit me as the truth. I was speaking of staying with him, spending my life with him, then limiting myself to what that life would be. That was not his life. I had heard him last night tell how ladies did not manage his dual lifestyle. Those that liked one aspect of him would leave him when the other part of him took over. If I really was going to stay with Peralte, spending years wandering through the mountains was as good as lying around a house. Suddenly, I felt affection for the man and moved to hug him.

“I do enjoy walking through the mountains.”

“Well, that is what we are going to be doing. Now, go get dressed.”

I was attempting to get a full look at myself in the small mirror when Assadra walked up along the beach. She was still fully naked. The breasts were large, but showed almost no sign of sagging. The legs moved her with a slightly odd gait, but she showed no sign of being unstable. Her cat-like ears were hairy, so while taking up a large portion of her head they worked with her hair to not be so noticeable. I found myself wondering just how thick the locks grew on her head, as the tresses that flowed down her back appeared as voluminous as my own. As she approached the camp, she reached for the simple top to manage her breasts while making a comment to me.

“That is not a dress for walking through the mountains.”

Peralte returned, “Oh, so where should she walk while wearing it?”

“Those are the mountains. There is scenery, and weather, and slopes. Something to protect the legs would be proper.”

“Mesapher walked about the mountains in his sheriff uniform. He is now a female, so a dress is the proper attire. Vetacha is a young female, so that type of outfit is proper. Plus, she picked it out.”

Assadra looked at me for a moment, then said, “She does appear happy in it. To each her own.”

Peralte came to me, put a hand on my back while whispering for me to start walking. I suddenly noticed that we were before a particularly steep slope. I looked back to see the lake miles away. Peralte smiled at me, but turned his head to speak to the other lady.

“You will need to wear clothes tomorrow, as we should come to Hapersnik.”

“I’ll pass. You and Vetacha can be a couple that night.” I was not holding Peralte’s hand, although I was walking beside him, so I saw him close his hand into a fist then begin releasing fingers one-by-one until all five were showing “Hold it! Hapersnik? Damn, that is where Dimerkess told me to meet him.”

“Want me to hold your bra? Might as well spend as much time running around naked today as you can.”

“You wish.” Peralte moved to walk with a hand keeping us close, then I saw Assadra step from some trees along out path with her large breasts swaying to her steps. “Enjoy, but you cannot touch until tonight.”

“That I will, although I must say that I find your whole form attractive. I cannot say that you will find me only ogling your breasts.”

Assadra quickly moved to kiss the man, then again returned to a place a few paces away before saying, “You are a strange one, Peralte.”

I looked at the lady wondering about myself. My body had not been designed by me. When I first looked at myself in a mirror, I actually felt that I was in a very young version of my body. Being six, almost none of the female traits were dominant. As time passed, the hair on my head grew, but allowing it to gain in length was about the only mark of my gender. Remembering the sight of myself in a mirror this morning, I still could not say that I looked that much different than I had previously at nine. I however wondered how my body would change as it further aged.

It took the ages of six through eight to have me adjust to my new life. The body was not a problem, but I had to come to terms with what would be expected of me as a female. The nuns treated me as a young girl, and expected me to develop habits according to a life of one of that gender. I mostly found it difficult to understand that those of my physical age did not consider them, or me, as anything other than female. I felt that surely another of my status would be present with which I could associate, but I was alone. Each day not only forced certain lessons upon me, but having no choice but to obey also worked to set certain traits within me. By the time that I was nine, I was a girl among other girls. I however liked it, and so I stayed. I walked with Peralte and Assadra without any desire to be anything but a lady.

Looking again at Assadra, I realized that my body would develop along a totally different path than it had previously. As time now passed, I would see less and less of the man I once had been. The strong jaw that I once had would not develop. Mounds of fatty tissue would cover my chest instead of tight muscles. While Assadra’s cat-like traits would not come to my body, her feminine appearance definitely would.

I looked to Peralte actually wondering what it would be like to spend time with him in the same way that Assadra had. I knew nothing of the sexual experience, although did not feel any desire to know what I had missed as a man. I simply wondered about the sharing of bodies. Coming to Peralte, or another man, as a virgin would actually have no worth. All of us in this reality had a previous life, so we all had a past that marked us. The fact that some of us were only now learning certain things was not a badge of virtue. I walked next to Peralte feeling afraid of what I might learn, although memories of what I heard last night did have me desiring to gain some substance to what up to now were only dreams.