Swami
Number of posts : 147
Age : 42
Current Mood : 
Registration date : 2009-03-26
 |  Subject: Chapter 4.  July 5th 2009, 10:11 am | |
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Last edited by Swami on July 6th 2009, 5:57 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441
Age : 64
Location : Ringgold, Louisiana
Current Mood : 
Registration date : 2008-07-21
| | Subject: Reply July 5th 2009, 10:58 am | |
| A lot of present tense. Fix it. Some would complain about the mix of customers, as there are those that want 'everything to story' (you know those type of movies, as those little tricks shown at the beginning are used in a big style to resolve a plot point later in the movie). Ignore those people, and tell the story in the manner you desire. I like little tidbits of world and character myself. | |
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Swami
Number of posts : 147
Age : 42
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2009-03-26
| | Subject: Re: Chapter 4. July 5th 2009, 11:36 am | |
| Yeah she works in the market, I thought it would lack if nobody actually visited her stall. And its fun working with the random characters. I could bring the shadow character in earlier, before the first customer, and have her see him a few more times around the other customers.
Hmmm... | |
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Swami
Number of posts : 147
Age : 42
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2009-03-26
| | Subject: Re: Chapter 4. July 5th 2009, 11:59 am | |
| I will wait until I get to the end of the part and then revise it all, and do another edit. Get it all the way I need it before continuing further. | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441
Age : 64
Location : Ringgold, Louisiana
Current Mood :
Registration date : 2008-07-21
| | Subject: Re: Chapter 4. July 5th 2009, 12:11 pm | |
| - Swami wrote:
- Yeah she works in the market, I thought it would lack if nobody actually visited her stall. And its fun working with the random characters. I could bring the shadow character in earlier, before the first customer, and have her see him a few more times around the other customers.
He-he, caught that. IT'S, which is a contraction of IT IS. You mentioned that you use Word. Well, one of the faults with Word is that it has a hard time with ITS. You thus have to learn to catch it yourself. I have often seen it flagged when it should not be, and not flagged when it should be. Remember, ITS is the possessive, while IT'S is the contraction. | |
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