Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: A Definition of Love July 20th 2008, 3:39 am | |
| Love is something indescribable one cannot live with the love Without love it also does not go
She gives luck to you Love each other injured
Nobody can force itself to love a feeling is alone for you
With many it is a great experience With some morbidly Many do not let go Not even if everything is lost
From stupidity one loses the love of his life
Often one wants to divide it with this person or hide
Everybody can decide Whether one decides properly only the love knows
Last edited by Saphira on July 26th 2008, 3:31 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Kellycakes
Number of posts : 1136 Age : 47 Location : State of Thankfulness! Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: Re: A Definition of Love July 26th 2008, 11:15 am | |
| I did a slight rewrite, this is my interpretation of this piece. What do you think?
Love is something indescribable
You cannot live with it Without love it does not work
If she is your lucky charm Love each other injured
No one can force itself to love This feeling is alone for you
With many it is a great experience With some morbidly so
Not even if everything is lost Many do not let go
From stupidity one can lose the love of his life
Often one wants to breakup with this person
Everybody can decide, yay or nay Whether one decides properly only love knows
Because love is something indescribable
Another thing is the title should reflect what the piece is about. Using 'the' in front of love to me is wrong because love isn't a thing, its an emotion or feeling. Love is something uncontrollable sometimes. Therefore shouldn't be treated as a thing but rather felt through. I would name this... 'A Definition of Love'. Or something along those lines. | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: A Definition of Love July 26th 2008, 3:31 pm | |
| Thank you Kelly
I have change the name of this poem | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 26th 2008, 4:18 pm | |
| It reads to me as if both of you are attempting to be clinical instead of reaching in an attempting to pull out emotion. I just finished writing a love scene, let me thus work with this topic.
Formless and without, Love demands it place _____No advance can be claimed, Without its redeeming grace
Though cut and battered, Love stands though trials are prolonged _____Only with its presence, Can a union stand firm and strong
I cast my hopes skyward, Not dreaming of a better day _____I want you as I found you, And with Love you will stay that way
Oh pity the foolish, That casts love out with ire _____It is hard to love a building, When only rubble can be admired
Formless and without, Ever keep love in its place _____The honor in its presence, Makes life a healthy race | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: A Definition of Love July 26th 2008, 4:36 pm | |
| I love what you write I like your style really | |
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| Subject: Re: A Definition of Love | |
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