Can Men and Women Be Friends?

This was a topic recently on a local television 'news' show. Can men and women really be just friends? Or does sexual feelings/tension and gender differences always come into play and threaten/destroy the friendship? And if you have a friend of the opposite sex should you share secrets or thoughts with them that you don't with your life partner?

I've always had a lot of male friends. Granted many of them have been/are gay, but not all of them. On top of this many of my male friends are either married or in serious relationships and usually I'm, to a lesser degree, friends with their wives as well.

Now, I have had some problems with male friends in the past, but I don't know if that was because of gender or just because these relationships just weren't build on a strong enough foundation of mutual respect.

Yes, men and women can be friends. There has to be something however to out-weigh the sexual attraction and differences.

I have female friends from my younger days, and we interact without problem. We went our own ways, and have somehow found our own directions to be only passing and not joining. We might be male/female, but only friends. I believe that such proves the point right there.

Right now I teach, and interact with numerous females. The younger ones know that I look, but also know that I show no interest in them (so sometimes call me a homo). The older ones know that I look, but also know that I show no interest in them (so relate to me without fear). My problem is that I went through two horrible marriages, and have NO desire to enter another relationshp. I like the female form, but consider it dynamite. I am not going to touch. If I was giving different signals, I believe the ladies would be much more reserved around me, so still nothing more than a friendly relationship would develop.

For anything more than a friendship to develop, there must be a willingness on BOTH sides. Often the signals are not there, or they are not received properly, so ONLY a friendship happens. Thus, even a hot-shot Romeo will have females that are nothing more than friends (and the same for the hot-to-trot vixen).

I say yes, absolutely. As a matter of fact, some of my best friends (some, heh) are ex's from ages ago. The sexuality has to be dealt with one way or the other. Either get to it or move past it and be friends.
It did seem to get easier as I got older, though. Hormones are a real b***h.

Well, I'm glad to see you guys have responded so positively to this question. I posted it in part because out of the twenty or so people they 'interviewed' and who called into the show only one of two agreed it was possible for a man and a woman to be friends without jumping each others bones. Sort of sad, I thought, but I wasn't that shocked by it. I've been in countless romantic relationships with men who where very paranoid about me having male friends, even gay male friends.

no. unless you do what lackeyagogo suggests and deal with the sexuality thing early. Its rare for me to come across to a single guy and girl being just friends. I find that someone always has feeling for the other at some stage. So no unless you nip it in the bud early and get it over with.

Welll, I may only be 16 but it's pretty hard for guys and girls to be ''just friends''--in my school anyway. Even if you ARE just friends, and neither of you actually feel anything more for the other, everybody still expects something to be going on. /eyeroll.

Guys want to have sex with girls, it is just one of those things. They will "Pretend" to be your friend in some vain hope to get a piece from you, rebound is still laid as far as they go.

So the only way for a man and a woman to be "Just Friends" is if the sexual tension is removed.

Examples: Hydra's post of Gay men. That is one way to remove the sexual tension. She gave another example of happily married men, which is good.

In these cases the men would be "Just friends" and leave it at that, do not try to play them, they have no hope or desire for your body as such they will not "Do all those stupid things your other guy friends would do" they will also tell you flat out if that dress makes your ass look fat.

But the truth is, the Guys that most girls think are just friends, are not, they want some of that, and they are willing to pretend to give a rats hoot about you to get a chance at it. In truth they are thinking "I can't have sex with your childhood dreams why the heck am even pretending to pay attention to this crap?" then you bend over and remind them and go back to telling them how you wanted to be a princess when you grew up.

It's life, deal.

I really believe that men and women can be just friends. Not every guy sees girls just as a chance to get laid. I have a question, since I'm bi does that mean I couldn't be just friends with anyone?

Shadow Dragon wrote:

I have a question, since I'm bi does that mean I couldn't be just friends with anyone?

That my also be why I have a very different view on this. I'm bi and I have lots of female friends I don't have ANY sexual feelings for; a good part of them being either bisexual or lesbian themselves. So, it only seems natural to me that straight people (men) can/are the same way, but maybe it really is different for them.

HYdraMStar wrote:

Shadow Dragon wrote:

I have a question, since I'm bi does that mean I couldn't be just friends with anyone?

That my also be why I have a very different view on this. I'm bi and I have lots of female friends I don't have ANY sexual feelings for; a good part of them being either bisexual or lesbian themselves. So, it only seems natural to me that straight people (men) can/are the same way, but maybe it really is different for them.

It is different for most straight men. It stems from an evolutionary desire by man to spread his seed and reproduce, it is a bit more involved then just "Feels good" type of thing, hence why men will have sex even with ugly women that they do not find physically attractive (Up to even borderline repulsive), or sex with women that they are not emotionally attracted to at all, simply for the desire to have sex.

With that in mind, it has to be far deeper then "Feels Good" and need for sexual gratification as masturbation could/should curb the desire but it does not.

That is what I was told on the Discover channel documentary about Sex at least.

On a personal note I would wager that Homosexual relations are different as their is not a few million years of evolutionary drive to continue the species backing their urges. As such the sexual encounter would be purely for the simple joy of sexual intimacy or for physical display of emotional connection.

Shadow Dragon wrote:

I really believe that men and women can be just friends. Not every guy sees girls just as a chance to get laid. I have a question, since I'm bi does that mean I couldn't be just friends with anyone?

It is a primal urge for most men to be this way, one might even say a necessity for the continuation of the species for heterosexual men to be this way. This is not a bad thing, it is not degrading woman in any way because it is not a taught condition, it is a primal instinct to desire the coupling, it takes willpower or conditioning to override it, and then it is just suppressed for the time being, it has not gone away.

Sure you could be friends with woman, that you found or deemed yourself to be incompatible with due to the fact that they were repulsive to you in some manner.

Look at how you will, it is life and quite literally, the nature of things.

im with ungoof(Urs) on this one. unless you remove that sexual tension there's no going around it. I probably think that this is how it is for a lot of straight men.

I think another factor that plays into this is your general outlook on life. I know, for myself, I'm way more interested in getting to know people (even of the female kind) personally, rather than just physically. Of course, I feel the sexual desire common to man, but it is controlled and suppressed. The reason I do this is, I believe the person themselves is the important thing; not just their body. I wouldn't be interested in having sex with someone I don't know and trust. So, generally, on my end at least, the sexuality has already been dealt with; even before the friendship starts.

I've had numerous friends that are girls, and there has been real interest in something more. From personal experience, I'd say that yes, guys and girls can be friends.

I say, absolutely. Even if there is attraction, people aren't animals who can't control themselves. I have a lot of guy friends, and some are even single without there being any tension (at least on my side). I'm straight and a lot of my male friends are straight, and I think that not only is it possible, it's important to have just friends of both genders.

Couldn't agree more, Iulia!

Of course they can be friends!

For those of you who said 'no' I'm curious as to your answer- who would a bi-sexual be friends with?

Wicked Redhead wrote:

Of course they can be friends!

For those of you who said 'no' I'm curious as to your answer- who would a bi-sexual be friends with?

Shadow Dragon already asked this question. And I believe sufficent answer has been provided.

Ah, that's what I get for not reading all the comments.