Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.



 
PortalHomeGallerySearchLatest imagesRegisterLog in
Log in
Username:
Password:
Log in automatically: 
:: I forgot my password
Poll
Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
Brandi spells her name Empty33%Brandi spells her name Empty
 33% [ 1 ]
Underused
Brandi spells her name Empty67%Brandi spells her name Empty
 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

Writing Tip
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

Latest topics
» Abduction to Elfland: Part 4 (19)
Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeAugust 14th 2020, 6:22 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 3 (13-18)
Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeAugust 9th 2020, 6:41 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 2 (7-12)
Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeJuly 10th 2020, 6:30 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 1 (1-6)
Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeJune 10th 2020, 6:33 am by TerishD

» To Know Sweet and Sour - Part Seven (35 - Epi)
Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeMay 11th 2020, 6:38 am by TerishD

Top posters
oskar (2320)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
TerishD (1441)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
HYdraMStar (1170)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
Kellycakes (1136)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
Snacker (818)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
Urs (569)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
fleamailman (400)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
Leaka (334)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
JuJu (287)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 
alexandra (198)
Brandi spells her name EmptyBrandi spells her name Voting_bar2Brandi spells her name Empty 

 

 Brandi spells her name

Go down 
3 posters
AuthorMessage
John Yamrus

Brandi spells her name ScribbleSuperr



Male
Number of posts : 129
Registration date : 2008-09-04

Brandi spells her name Empty
PostSubject: Brandi spells her name   Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeSeptember 5th 2008, 9:11 am

Brandi spells her name

with an “i”
and she dots the i
with a circle
and sometimes with a heart.

she drives
a red ’77 Honda
that needs tires
and a brake job.

she’s two years out of high school,
with a kid,

and she lives with her mother
who drinks more often than not.

she could have been married once,
but he left.

now, she drives to work
every day in the Honda,
wearing jeans and sneakers
and a shirt.

and when she gets there,
she changes into
a white tube top,
a skirt and nylons and heels,

and she gives
hand jobs for a living,
in a place
that pretends it’s a gym.

but it doesn’t matter, anyway,
because her name’s not Brandi,

it’s Susan,

and every now and then
her mother gets sober,
and she really does
love that kid.
Back to top Go down
AliceInWonderland

Brandi spells her name Scribbler-1
AliceInWonderland


Female
Number of posts : 44
Location : Germany
Current Mood : Brandi spells her name Thinki10
Registration date : 2008-07-18

Brandi spells her name Empty
PostSubject: Re: Brandi spells her name   Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeSeptember 5th 2008, 2:11 pm

Nice poem but I would leave out the last four lines or better write something else. It somehow doesn't fit. The line in which you state that Brandi isn't the woman's real name would be more powerful, if it was the last line of the poem. The way you put it, it is somehow forgotton in the end- and that's a pity.
Back to top Go down
John Yamrus

Brandi spells her name ScribbleSuperr



Male
Number of posts : 129
Registration date : 2008-09-04

Brandi spells her name Empty
PostSubject: Re: Brandi spells her name   Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeSeptember 5th 2008, 3:06 pm

too late for that...it's already in my book KEEP THE CHANGE....no, i'm sorry...it's in 78 RPM. whatever. the point is, it's too late to consider any changes and while i can understand and appreciate your thoughts on the last stanza, i have to respectfully disagree, because that's the stanza that shows Brandi as someone who's still (in spite of everything she's dealing with) somewhat up-beat or at least trying to make the best of a bad situation. it shows her as hopeful for the future.
i hope that explains it. god, how i hate explaining my poems. usually i don't. usually i figure if someone doesn't see it or get it, then tough, that's their problem...but your comments are so sincere and well-intended, that they deserved my "explanation".
thank you. i appreciate your input.
john
Back to top Go down
HYdraMStar

Brandi spells her name Extrascribbler
HYdraMStar


Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 45
Location : Charlotte, NC
Current Mood : Brandi spells her name Kitty10
Registration date : 2008-07-20

Brandi spells her name Empty
PostSubject: Re: Brandi spells her name   Brandi spells her name Icon_minitimeSeptember 5th 2008, 5:11 pm

I liked it the way it is, but this forum does open you up for public critique. So, you might find yourself asked quite a bit to explain or be given friendly suggestion for improvement.
Back to top Go down
http://www.hydramstar.blogspot.com
Sponsored content





Brandi spells her name Empty
PostSubject: Re: Brandi spells her name   Brandi spells her name Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Brandi spells her name
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: The Verses (Poet's Forum) :: Versification-
Jump to: