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Poll
Is the phrase "Once upon a time..."
Overused
he's got Empty33%he's got Empty
 33% [ 1 ]
Underused
he's got Empty67%he's got Empty
 67% [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 3
Monthly Writing Prompt
For this month's writing prompt write a scene using the following sentence to start;

The streets were deserted. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?

Writing Tip
Our monthly writing tips are written by our very own TerishD. You can read more in Terish's Blog located in "The Abstractions" area of the forum.

Look Back

When not able to write ahead, it helps to look back. In my case I had written a paragraph ahead of the story. What I needed to do was add a section of exposition (talking) presenting some facts. In going back, I realized that I could insert a section where a 'tour' of the surroundings could be done. This allowed for character interaction, story development, and other things that enabled me to present the facts in an entertaining manner.

One should not face a writer's block with the mentality of bursting through it. I have found in my own experience that a writer's block is usually due to my mind indicating that it has a problem in 'channeling' the story. One reason might be a re-imagining of certain story points. Another reason however is that there is a problem in where you are at in the story, so you need to look back and find out the problem with the 'journey' that prevents the tale from advancing.

Latest topics
» Abduction to Elfland: Part 4 (19)
he's got Icon_minitimeAugust 14th 2020, 6:22 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 3 (13-18)
he's got Icon_minitimeAugust 9th 2020, 6:41 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 2 (7-12)
he's got Icon_minitimeJuly 10th 2020, 6:30 am by TerishD

» Abduction to Elfland: Part 1 (1-6)
he's got Icon_minitimeJune 10th 2020, 6:33 am by TerishD

» To Know Sweet and Sour - Part Seven (35 - Epi)
he's got Icon_minitimeMay 11th 2020, 6:38 am by TerishD

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AuthorMessage
John Yamrus

he's got ScribbleSuperr



Male
Number of posts : 129
Registration date : 2008-09-04

he's got Empty
PostSubject: he's got   he's got Icon_minitimeSeptember 4th 2008, 5:07 pm

he’s got

dark
tenement windows
on ninth street,

peeled plaster
on the walls,

a bedroom,

a bath,

a refrigerator
with two
mouldy pears
sitting in a bowl on top…

a beat-up
Philco TV
that picks up channel 29
when the weather’s right.

and the glory
of his life
is
this cute
little Puerto Rican girl
he calls Jack Daniels,

because
she goes down
real
real smooth.
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HYdraMStar

he's got Extrascribbler
HYdraMStar


Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 45
Location : Charlotte, NC
Current Mood : he's got Kitty10
Registration date : 2008-07-20

he's got Empty
PostSubject: Re: he's got   he's got Icon_minitimeSeptember 4th 2008, 5:21 pm

Well, the last two passages are certainly the pay off on this one... Though, I don't know in our day and age if using the term 'little girl' was entirely wise. I'm not the politically correct sort. I'll never tell you not to write something because it will 'offend', but this phrase could be read a couple of different ways; at least one of which rendering the poem not 'distasteful' or sexist but criminal.
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http://www.hydramstar.blogspot.com
John Yamrus

he's got ScribbleSuperr



Male
Number of posts : 129
Registration date : 2008-09-04

he's got Empty
PostSubject: Re: he's got   he's got Icon_minitimeSeptember 4th 2008, 5:43 pm

lighten up. nothing of the sort is or was intended. it's the guy's girlfriend and that's how he refers to her as his little girl.
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Kellycakes

he's got ScribblesQueen-1
Kellycakes


Female
Number of posts : 1136
Age : 47
Location : State of Thankfulness!
Current Mood : he's got Th_wel10
Registration date : 2008-07-17

he's got Empty
PostSubject: Re: he's got   he's got Icon_minitimeSeptember 4th 2008, 9:24 pm

I thought the word choice was very clever actually. No worries John, Hydra wasn't calling you out or anything. She was just stating the obvious that it could be a problem if someone were offended. What I like about the piece is that it says a lot with just a few choice words, with a surprise ending that gives it clout.
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HYdraMStar

he's got Extrascribbler
HYdraMStar


Female
Number of posts : 1170
Age : 45
Location : Charlotte, NC
Current Mood : he's got Kitty10
Registration date : 2008-07-20

he's got Empty
PostSubject: Re: he's got   he's got Icon_minitimeSeptember 5th 2008, 12:47 am

John Yamrus wrote:
lighten up. nothing of the sort is or was intended. it's the guy's girlfriend and that's how he refers to her as his little girl.

I didn't personally read it that why, but a reader wouldn't know the back story and can only go on what you've written and I can totally see people reading it as you are speaking literally about a little girl.
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he's got Empty
PostSubject: Re: he's got   he's got Icon_minitime

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