| You Arsonist...Your Soul. | |
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VergilSparda
Number of posts : 16 Age : 29 Registration date : 2008-07-28
| Subject: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 28th 2008, 10:37 pm | |
| I haven't you a poem today. so I give you this one instead:
Your soul is lain up here with me. Your corpse lay down there to decay. Your mnd must crush you what your heart dost say. "Beg for death you decayed mess!" The scream comes up from Hell.
"I tell you no! You're filthy! No! You scumbag dressed in red!" With all you have you stand. You're drenched in mud and sweat. Misery's your word today. There's nothing best explained. Drag your thoughts to holes outside, Burry them for someone's find.'
I bid ado to all of your. My emotionless poemless hates. Learn a lesson 'day think 'bout it hard. I won't be here 'morrow just to watch you all mourn.
Hey, the description said all poems accepted.
I was brave. | |
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HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 28th 2008, 11:01 pm | |
| It certainly isn't lacking in passion.
I like it. | |
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VergilSparda
Number of posts : 16 Age : 29 Registration date : 2008-07-28
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 28th 2008, 11:13 pm | |
| Thank you.
I wrote it in a car when I was pretty angry at the lack of sun...which I would have hated anyway, but it was better than the grey skyed rain that I was getting.
Grey skies give me migraines. So I wrote this.
At the angry grey sky. | |
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HYdraMStar
Number of posts : 1170 Age : 45 Location : Charlotte, NC Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-20
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 28th 2008, 11:17 pm | |
| Gray skies and sun shine both piss you off... You are my kind of girl. | |
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VergilSparda
Number of posts : 16 Age : 29 Registration date : 2008-07-28
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Kellycakes
Number of posts : 1136 Age : 47 Location : State of Thankfulness! Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 29th 2008, 2:33 pm | |
| Oh my, well I'm not sure I could give you any constructive criticism on the form of this piece because there isn't any.
Its a chaotic rambling, which is always great! I agree with Hydra there is quite a voice present, be it a bit scary. Either way, keep writing... | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 29th 2008, 3:58 pm | |
| I am afraid of you both Oo no joke I find it nice | |
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Sanareth
Number of posts : 32 Age : 31 Location : Bristol, UK Registration date : 2008-07-29
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 30th 2008, 6:14 am | |
| Very original, I enjoyed it. The only problem is that your words don't seem to flow very well. | |
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VergilSparda
Number of posts : 16 Age : 29 Registration date : 2008-07-28
| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. July 31st 2008, 7:40 pm | |
| I figured my words didn't flow, but I thought I would have posted it anyway, it had a certain devilish ring to it that I liked, and that the rain just kind of triggered. It was interesting, and thanks all | |
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| Subject: Re: You Arsonist...Your Soul. | |
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| You Arsonist...Your Soul. | |
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