elr1978b
Number of posts : 20 Age : 45 Location : Buffalo, New York Registration date : 2008-07-26
| Subject: Tears I Cry July 26th 2008, 5:08 pm | |
| Tears I cry fall down my face cleansing my eyes as lubrication takes place Tears I cry release sorrow and pain cleansing my soul of negative drain Tears I cry consist of happiness and joy displaying elation something I enjoy Tears I cry tackle onion vapors washing away the irritation destroying particle infestation Tears I cry I wipe away knowing they will be back oneday Copyright 2008 Ebony L. Rhinehart | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: Tears I Cry July 26th 2008, 5:10 pm | |
| Oh i must cry ;( Your rhymes are so great Very nice work Wish you the best Saphira | |
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Kellycakes
Number of posts : 1136 Age : 46 Location : State of Thankfulness! Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: Re: Tears I Cry July 27th 2008, 1:01 am | |
| Very nice. You are great at capturing the emotion and writing about it. The third verse breaks a bit in reading because of the double rhyme of joy but its still a great piece. Nice job! Lets see more. | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 27th 2008, 9:06 am | |
| This one was funny. I like rhyming ones, so I had to give you a point there. Using words like lubrication throws off the cadence, but the audacity of simply using such a word in a poem is appealing. You did it a few more times, and I found that they set the mood of the poem very well. You were not being serious with well chosen couplets, but light-hearted and slightly defiant. I chuckled while reading it. Thanks for sharing. | |
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