Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: I cant see it... July 26th 2008, 4:13 am | |
| The flowers smile at us Trying To tell us something
Trees move In the wind For they would dance
Bright colors Everywhere Sunbeams Warm us up
I don't want to see that Everyone is so happy Can't take it
I'm so bitter My heart is black You turned it that way It is today
A clot Not useable anymore Lost its love
It stopped beating In my chest But in yours
But I don't want that Give it back to me I'll do everything for you
You are cold With your words Drowning In our tears
I can't do it anymore Our world Is broken
With tear-stained eyes And bloody fingers I put the pieces together again
Count every second Waiting How long it longs
Look at us My God What had happened?
I hate That I love you
I'll never stop Keks...Kruemel
(Keks/Kruemel: We always called us that way) | |
|
TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 26th 2008, 7:55 am | |
| Style seems similar to last one, but there is no shame in working with something to improve. The phrasing holds better in this one and the imagery is more consistent. Instead of a shock at the end, there is a good finish. I thus like this poem better. | |
|
Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: I cant see it... July 26th 2008, 8:54 am | |
| Yeah you are right It is the same style an a little bit the same story. Thank you | |
|
Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: I cant see it... | |
| |
|