Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Its your mistake ! July 25th 2008, 6:01 pm | |
| Shatters On the ground
Only there Lies my heart
On the street Wet from the rain
Everybody steps on it But nobody notices
The blood of love Flows Soon nothing is left
You stare Without trying To save it
Jagged And no longer recognizable
Does it lie there Unmistakable
I lift it up And hold it gently
I lost my heart In a cold night
You killed it! But it was my life
It's your mistake I hate you No...
I love you! | |
|
TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 25th 2008, 7:04 pm | |
| This one was interesting. I could pick on it, but I would be wrong. I can tell that you completely understood what you were writing. I thus will step back in respect.
While I accept the poem, my interest is on the last line. I cannot just do that in a story. I cannot simply have a character that has been hurt very badly spew out an emotion completely in defiance of what has occurred. I must take the time and use a multitude of words to justify the faith and trust in someone that wronged them. When I see it done in poetry, I thus want to gripe, but that is one difference in prose and poetry. That last line is enough here. I thus again will step back in respect. | |
|
Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: Its your mistake ! July 25th 2008, 7:11 pm | |
| Many thanks. Nice that you like it. Better said the last line. Is right, one cannot describe something like that in a story so fast. This is the reason why I poetry loves.
I can change from now on immediately my feelings. Thus I point who I am real. Many thanks | |
|
Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Its your mistake ! | |
| |
|