Snacker
Number of posts : 818 Age : 39 Location : Stuck in Michigan Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-17
| Subject: The Love We Share July 23rd 2008, 2:11 am | |
| The wondrous moment of our meeting I well remember you appear My heart a moment later heating Full of love and without fear
In ecstasy, my heart is beating My entire body, passion and love Your closeness was coming speeding Like a love arrow from up above
When our eyes meet I lose myself Like in an ocean thousand miles deep Full of love just from yourself
To hear your voice Is like a sweet symphony To feel sad, there is no choice Because you own the deepest empathy
Through you I become a better man A believer in love and trust All the things I can I learned from you just
With your beautiful present You make the world a better place From the heaven sent You're like the best ace
I have seen us growing in love And it will never end In heaven like a white dove For nobody to bend
That's our love we share Insatiable, passionate and everlasting For each other we always care A connection which is long-lasting | |
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Saphira
Number of posts : 124 Age : 35 Location : Münster, Germany Registration date : 2008-07-18
| Subject: Re: The Love We Share July 23rd 2008, 4:36 am | |
| Wow a long poem I like it. I find it cool to hear from boys poems. Here in german you were gay xD Everybody here laugh a little but about poems, but i dont know why | |
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TerishD
Number of posts : 1441 Age : 64 Location : Ringgold, Louisiana Current Mood : Registration date : 2008-07-21
| Subject: Reply July 23rd 2008, 8:56 am | |
| Ooh, a rhyming one. ABAB Simple.
Watch the meter. The rhythm falters in places, and I stumbled on the short third stanza. Also, some attempts at rhyme are forced and are not really easy to speak.
The topic is consistent. No development however, but almost a persistent driving of the same tone. Still, the emotion under discussion can do that to people, so no fault.
Concise wording is not an issue with this topic. Love is not an easily expressed feeling. I thus have to switch to the second issue for this rating, and that is DOES the wording put forth the emotion. Nice attempts. I will give credit.
Whoever you wrote this for should be pleased in hearing it (hopefully you had the courage and they were willing to listen). Nothing really special about the poem, but nothing to be ashamed about either. It can hold its place with the multitude of others poems in this category. I thus have to credit you with a good job. | |
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| Subject: Re: The Love We Share | |
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